There was a time when my all thoughts were only about that blued eyes prince charming with a blond hair and a charismatic smile.

I remember all. I wish I forgot. I know it will haunt me probably till the end of my life. Friends and family will see it in my eyes from time to time. These terrible memories grew into me. They stick to my body like these disgusting sucking blood creatures called leeches. They stick to you unnotisably. You realise their presense later but you cannot recall the moment when it could have happened. And I am not talking here about the leeches you know?

Here I am talking about my sweet abusive ex. Why sweet? Because he wanted to pretend to be someone else maybe. He could easily make me the happiest woman on earth and then suddenly the saddest one. Emotional swings were ours little family hobby.

But you know, you never expect any traumatic experience to happen in the beginning of your sweet love period. You love. He loves. Actually he indeed loves you to get to know you. He waits to get comfortable to show you his guts. Perhaps, he belives that everything is going to be the same, static. It is not possible, people tend to change over the years. Some for good, some for wicked. Abusers at first show you the high level affection, adoration, just to learn your insecurities. They never forget your screw-ups, they constantly remind you about your faults. They acknowledge everything about you just to use it against you at your most vulnerable moments of life. For instance when you are deadly tired, scared, confused or just sad. They do it to make you miserable and to control your emotional state.